Nothing's Wrong With You. Your Life Just Changed.
Have you ever logged into your bank account and thought, "How did this happen? We used to be fine."
You didn't splurge on life. There wasn't a big emergency that sunk you. You just kept doing what you've always done...
And somehow it stopped working.
I know that feeling, just from a different part of my life. I grew up an athlete and knew exactly when to push my body and when to rest. Then two rounds of rhabdomyolysis (rhabdo for short) in my twenties left me not trusting my own limits anymore. (I share that whole story on this week's podcast episode #85.)
What I learned through that season, and through years of coaching families since, is this:
When your life changes, your spending boundaries change too... even if your habits don't.
You're Still Using the Old Recipe
Most of us never sat down and decided what our money limits were. We just... knew from how it felt. And that "feel" came from consistency. We had the same paycheck, same bills, same routine, month after month.
Then, all of a sudden life shifts:
You go from two incomes to one so you can stay home with the kids.
A baby arrives, and diapers, daycare, and all the "little things" add up fast.
You or your husband change jobs, start a business, or the paycheck isn't the same every month anymore (maybe it's commission-based now).
You get married, and now you merge to share one bank account.
Here's the tricky part. Your life changed overnight. Your spending didn't.
Your gut is still spending for the life you had two years ago, right? That Target run that used to be no big deal? Now it's quietly pushing you into the red.
It's like still cooking from the recipe you used when it was just the two of you... and wondering why there's never enough to go around now that you're feeding a family. Nothing is wrong with the recipe. It was just written for a different season of life.
5 Signs Your Money Boundaries No Longer Fit
The second time I got rhabdo, I knew something was off just 15 minutes into a spin class. At that point, I listened to my body, and I got help early.
Your money sends warning signs too. Here are the ones I see most often with the families I coach:
You're surprised at the end of the month. Every month. There's always "one more thing" you didn't see coming.
Your credit card balance keeps creeping up. Not from big purchases... but from groceries, gas, and everyday life.
You've stopped checking your account. Because if you don't look, you don't have to feel bad about it.
You swing between "cut everything" and "forget it." A week of no-spend panic, then a weekend that undoes it all.
Money talks with your spouse turn into nitpicking. You've become the money police, and nobody likes that job.
If one or two of these sound familiar, it doesn't mean you're bad with money.
It means you got a warning sign. And warning signs are a GIFT when you listen to them early.
Why the Guilt Makes It Harder
Here's what usually comes right after those warning signs:
"I used to have this together. What is WRONG with me?"
or "Why am I so bad with money?"
That guilt doesn't motivate change. It pushes you into one of two places. Either you avoid the numbers completely, or you overcorrect so hard that you can't keep it up.
After my second hospital stay, I did both. Some weeks I was too scared to work out at all. Other weeks I tried to go back to my old intensity like nothing happened. Neither one was healthy.
So let me speak some grace over you:
Nothing is wrong with you. Your life changed. You're not failing... you're relearning.
How to Rewrite Your Recipe for This Season of Life
Noooo don't worry. You don't need a perfect, color-coded budget by Friday. You need a spending plan that fits the life you're living right now.
Not forever. Just this season.
Start with what's actually going on today. What's coming in each month now? What HAS to go out (mortgage, utilities, insurance, car, childcare)? Those are your musts.
Ballpark your everyday spending. Look back at the last month or two for groceries, gas, kids' activities, and eating out. Don't judge your past though. Think of it like a doctor running labs... you're just gathering information.
Set boundaries for this season. Maybe eating out is twice a month instead of twice a week. Maybe gifts get a cap this Christmas. Or maybe the boundary is simply a 15-minute money check-in every Sunday night. Try something.
Expect a learning curve. You'll probably go over on groceries the first month. That's OK! Give yourself grace while you are learning. Every time you land close to your new boundary, you rebuild a little trust with yourself.
And if you're married, please do this TOGETHER. When you decide your boundaries as a couple, you stop policing each other's spending and start working as a team.
And if you still don't know how to start...
This week, sit down for 20 minutes and answer three questions:
What has changed in our life in the last year or two?
What are our must-pay bills each month right now?
What are we actually spending on day-to-day things?
That's it. You're not building a full budget yet. You're just finding where your edges are today to adjust your recipe.
Remember...The Goal Isn't Getting Back to the Old You
I never went back to three-a-days. But I did learn to trust my body again, one small step at a time.
Your money works the same way. The goal isn't to recreate the budget that worked five years ago. The goal is to be faithful with what's in front of you today.
Boundaries aren't a punishment. They're what let you spend with confidence, without that constant fear in the back of your mind. And whether this season feels like plenty or barely enough, that kind of stewardship is where the peace comes from.
🎧 Want the full story? Listen to Episode 85 of Wise Up with your Money: "Relearning Your Money Boundaries After Life Changes"
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